You are not that distinguishable from North Carolina except that you are flat and warmer and have fewer trees!
Oh man. You guys. My hotel room. Is off the chain. You may be thinking, "Holiday Inn Express, Megan, you crazy fool." But I have TWO ultra-comfortable beds, a flat screen tv and the most wonderful bathroom ever.
(my sleepy-eyed sentiments after napping in the other bed that looks identical to the first.)
And you also must remember that my previous lodgings were hostels... time for a trip down memory lane thanks to Hostel World!!!!
(graffiti hostel, Barcelona. hahaaaa!)
(and my personal favorite, Stockholm's prison hostel! A hostel in an old prison!
Which would have been much more normal had it not been for the very dark lighting and creepy mannequins EVERYWHERE. Reason number 143089 to love Stockholm.)
This is what happens when you're staying by yourself in a hotel and the conference hasn't started yet. I am crazy.
But now you, blog reader, can understand why I am so stoked about this hotel.
ALSO I learned today of the only possible thing that could disappoint me ever about this conference.
JAMES NACHTWEY was GOING to come, but has gone to the Middle East to cover warfare over there. HOLY CRAP, I wish I didn't know this!!!!! He is like my ultimate inspiration in photojournalism. sldfijaslkdfjlaskdjfl;askdjflksjdf;laksjdf ARGH! Stupid facebook group that filled me in. Oh well I'm still super excited. But DANG.
With love and yay-photojournalism!,
Megan
I have never realized the importance of just walking around with a camera as much as I have this semester. Spending some time with my camera, aside from the stress of photojournalism class, is so therapeutic. Plus I just love being outdoors. When I found myself feeling kind of bummed out recently, I went to Google maps, zoomed in to the Chapel Hill area, saw a patch of green and decided, "I'm going there." So I did. These photos are of no consequence, really, but it was just an exercise in learning how to see, and separating photography from stress for a little while.
(this is nature telling me it loves me. aww.)
With love and nature calming me down,
Megan
These words keep resonating in my head. What a wonderful/daunting goal.
Also, my cry to God lately is to believe. I do not live day to day as if the Gospel has
truly permeated my life. It comes in fits and starts, and I pray that God would bring me to a point of just... belief. Belief that He is who He says He is, and belief that He
loves me. It is so hard for me to grasp that. Obviously, I have believed the Gospel and trusted Christ to save me, but if I really, consistently believed and trusted God, I think my life would look different.
Today I prayed desperately for God to make my mind consumed with Africa if that was what He wanted for me. I tend to romanticize everything. So at this point I'm thinking wonderful people, colorful homes, tropical fruit and gorgeous landscapes. And giraffes-- you can't leave out the giraffes. (I did not take this picture, obvi.)
But my love for Africa stems from a deep burden for AIDS and poverty, and I think that living there would be a dichotomy of color and bleakness, joy and sobriety.
I am going to miss Chapel Hill a lot. I love walking across the quad, even sitting in the basement of Carroll Hall (basically I live in the VisCom labs). This place is really dear to me, and I am just soaking up everything I can at this point.
What a great time in my life. Despite the stress of everything constantly pushing down on me, I am so glad to be where I am.
With love and belief,
Megan
This shirt is coming to me and I am so freakin' excited. And, even better, it's called Fail.
I'm so giddy with glee right now.
Also, can I tell you about a dream I had when I accidentally fell asleep this afternoon? (Sidenote: I'm so fatigued lately! What is the deal, body?) Anyway... I went to what was apparently a UNC basketball game (it took place in a high school gym and fully resembled a high school game-- very few spectators, kind of dark, crappy lighting). I went with a girl from my Bible study, who is very sweet and kind of quiet. So I got there, and sat down with her when I saw a boy that I have a pretty big crush on, sitting in the front row. So I went up to say hi, and ended up sitting there for the remainder of the game, being all flirtatious and putting my head on his shoulder, knowing that he liked me back. At the end of the game, I had this feeling like, "Am I forgetting something? Oh yeah, didn't I come here with some girl?" And I couldn't for the life of me remember her name. I looked back, and she was standing in the back row, all alone with coat in hand, looking incredibly lonely and disappointed. I had been full of this giddy happiness (from spending time with this boy) and suddenly had this horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then I woke up, remembering these details of the dream. Immediately I wrote it down in my journal, and at the end, I wrote, "May I never be so selfish as to neglect those I am called to bless in order to gain something for myself."
That was really wordy and written in sleepy writing. But seriously. If I live in a way that just makes me happy, what kind of person am I? What does that say about me and my purpose and the God I claim to love and follow?
It seems like a really silly dream, but it hit me hard. I can't forget that I exist to serve God and love people. I mean, really love them and sacrifice for them to know that they are loved. I anticipate that God will lead me to a life of beauty and adventure, but if I neglect to be His disciple, my life is nothing.
With love and fruit/granola/yogurt/yumminess,
Megan
I swear, I sound like a broken record, but I don't usually have the initiative to talk things out to someone. So I need to write, and blogspot is my medium tonight.
I'm sitting here staring at my doubled reflection in the window. I sit at my desk, three little potted plants sitting on my windowsill. Beneath my typing fingers is a sort of montage of postcards, maps, train tickets. Places I've been, places I think I would like to go again.
This constant urge to travel, to be abroad, to move... it is relentless. And unrealistic. I dream of a life on the go, photographing beautiful things and writing about them. Seeing new things and embracing new cultures and people. I long for this so much (and maybe, if I'm lucky, to do all these things with a man who I can commit my life to). This draw, this obsession with maps and places and photographs, is it selfish? I'm brought to tears each time I close my eyes and mentally make my way through the streets of Florence, wait for the metro in a filthy station in Paris, wander the residential back alleys of Venice. The thought that moments like these may never happen again is heartbreaking, and I quickly have to change my train of thought to something more practical.
The fact that I've had the opportunity to do this is unimaginable. Why should I have been so, so fortunate enough to do these things in my life? And how is it that it has not been enough for me? Is this egocentric dreaming, or is God building up something in me that will be played out in the next years of my life? I feel so selfish wanting to do all these things, but I cannot shake this.
I want to make sense of these things, in time to apply for jobs and ministries in the next month or so.
Just thoughts. Any insights would be fantastic (yes, you). Even if all you have to say is that I'm a privileged kid who needs to suck it up and get a real job.
With love and chocolate,
Megan
Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm a total hottie! (or in TGS terms, TTL haw-t.)
It's valentine's day! And that means candy and hearts and happy cute things like that. And single ladies' movie night!
Today Rachel was my model for studio portraits! I really have no idea what I'm doing yet technically, but it's a lot of fun to be able to come up with cool ideas and make them real. I like having that
capability, even though I really am no master of lighting yet by any means (it took me forever to figure out where to put the umbrella in the light. Oops.)
Aww look how beautiful Rachie is!!
Off to eat a tasty dinner and do valentiney things!
With love and new experimental things,
Megan
These past couple of days have been tough, but really good in that I'm starting to get some clarity about my future. Today was the deadline to apply for the Photojournalism program project in the Galapagos. The program that would cost $4000. This week I have had talks with my parents, financial aid counselors, and peers. I had the application completed. Recommendation letters written for me. After leaving the financial aid office, I sat in the grass in the upper quad and just thought. I looked around me (nature calms me down) and tried to breathe deeply and figure out what I was supposed to do with all this information. My only option was to take out a loan, and I would be paying off a hundred dollars a month for the next four years. My parents have worked so hard for me to graduate without debt. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. People have written recommendations for me, and my friends are going, and this would be an incredible experience that would stay with me for the rest of my life. The best imaginable way to end my college career.
I got to choir last night anticipating an answer from the Lord. When I worship, everything falls into place. Things are as they ought to be, finally. Last night, our pastor addressed us and shared with us the church's launch of "Believe," a project of radical giving and sending and expansion. My heart flooded with joy at the way God is working in our church and in our world. I know I want to be a part of that.
Long story short, I realized that the Galapagos is not what God has for me this summer. My heart does not leap at the thought of this opportunity as it does for other things-- for missions, for photography, for Sweden, for Africa. It really bums me out, though, and I'm sure I will go through more bouts of emotion and doubt about this decision. J.D. has said recently that "real sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love even more." I have desperately asked God to tease apart those dreams of mine that are egocentric, and those plans that He has purposed for me.
He's doing it. It's not so fun and it feels really crappy sometimes when you have to give up something you think you want. But hallelujah, He is making real His plans for me.
With love and mixed emotions,
Megan
I decided to get all fancy with the blog layout today. It was something to do while ordering nine photo books with a really crappy internet connection.
Now I think I will take a short nap before class. With the windows open and a really spring-like breeze floating in.
It's such a nice day today. I can't get over it.
With love and fresh air,
Megan
What a crazy weekend. My back hurts, and I am exhaustion personified. But it was really great.
I will share with you a few photos and a weird moment that happened last week. Sound good? Ok!
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Ugh. The photo quality on here is total crap. Crap, I say.
Whatevs. Now I have a really good photography job behind me, and a really awesome photojournalism conference ahead of me!
Also, I got to talk my lovely Laura Fried yesterday, which was fantastic, and she dated a Brazilian boy. And that makes me happy. Boo for him going away :(
Have I ever told you how flighty I am? Oh yeah, well in case I haven't, I am. Now I think I would like to live in England.
What is the matter with me?! I think I am physically incapable of being realistic and responsible.
So last week, I was really stressed out about scholarship applications and the impending crazy photography job this weekend. So I just lay down on the bedroom floor, on my back, with my camera and just shot. There was no memory card in the camera. But I shot my walls, ceiling, clothes in the closet. I don't know why. The pictures flashed on the screen for a second or two, and then they were gone forever.
It was really relaxing and cathartic, though. Weird.
I wish peonies were in season. I would buy vases and vases full.
With love and feeling particularly random and artsy today,
Megan
This weekend I'm doing photography for the
Frankie Lemmon Foundation. They run a really incredible school for children with special needs, and this weekend they are hosting winemakers who help fund the school. Last night I went to seven dinner venues. Today I went to the school and to the men's and women's luncheons, and a party this evening. Tomorrow is the big gala.
I need a massage.
I'm learning a lot about being a photographer. Like when to keep my distance after being with people for hours on end, and when it's ok to peace out of an event, and hey, I'm learning about myself, too.
A woman approached me tonight and was like, "still clicking away, huh? Do you ever get tired of photography?"
I said no. But I was tired. On the way home, I realized I really don't get tired of photography itself. I don't get tired of images and composing and clicking the shutter a thousand times in a day. What tires me is the social involvement. I have GOT to loosen up around new people. I am so quiet and socially awkward until I get to know someone and can be comfortable around them. Then, and only then, can I be un-nervous and somewhat witty. Sometimes.
Once I get more comfortable in my own skin, and I'm willing to put myself out there, I think I can be really good at this.
When I realized I needed to just stop holding back so much, I sang at the top of my lungs on the way home. Letting go felt good.
Here's a few pictures of the kids at the school this morning. I'm having fun.
(he was blowing kisses to the camera, I think.)
with love and adoring these sweet kids and their families,
Megan
p.s. I feel the need to share
this link with the MILLIONS of people who actually look at this blog. I understand that you're so intimidated by my writing skills that you are afraid to comment. It's ok. But seriously, her photos describe how I feel. Or want to feel. Or want to live. Yes. I just want to live in these photographs, if that's possible. kthanks.
Yeah, so my endeavor to post a photo a day is done. It was fun while it lasted. A little. One of these days, I think I will start a separate photo blog. For me. I was seeing all of these
lovely photographers updating daily and thinking, "hey this will keep me accountable!" And while it will probably be a worthwhile endeavor in the future, I think I'll stick to posting photos that are actually recent and that I'm proud of. One of these days, I think I might start a photo blog just for photos. Or maybe I'll just finally get my website online. But we'll seeee.
blah blah blah apparently I'm repetitive. I don't care.
I just registered for a photojournalism conference. In Texas. Booked my flight and hotel. Filled out my grant application for the J-School, so I can actually pay for it. I'm flying to a conference in Texas!!! It's going to be really great. My professor said it was far and away his favorite photo conference, and it's geared toward people interested in NGOs and missions. It's this giant gathering of Christian/Activist photojournalists!!! I'm so freakin' thrilled. I can't wait to be navigating airports again. That's just the biggest rush for me. I love airports.
Tonight in these post-superbowl, pre-hour-long-The Office moments, I am exploring scholarships and grants. I need them, man.
Ok. The Office is on. Angela totally just pulled a cat out of a filing cabinet.
And now I'm dying of laughter. Blogging is over.
With love and hanging out with the fam,
Megan
p.s. HAPPY 100TH POST TO MEEEE!
p.s. how emotionally unhealthy am I that the office made me tear up a little? hahaha.
