Well hello, happy blog reader. It's been a while. I know. I've finally set up my new (also neglected) blog, meganlindsayblog.com so you can check that out if you'd like... I think I'll keep this one around because fewer people know about it and I can kind of be more candid here, I feel.
Training has been good. It's been exhausting. I think I'm suffering from information overload at this point, just trying to stay afloat. I have never felt simultaneously so ready and so unprepared for a task.
I find myself having to retreat to God's word and God's presence frequently. This is so necessary and I'm so thankful that God has brought my heart to this place. I have a habit of writing down my prayers or taking notes to keep myself busy and engaged, which ironically distracts me from the fact that I am interacting with the God of the universe. These past two weeks have made me thirsty for time alone, lying on my bed and pouring out my heart to God. This morning in the middle of a session, I got so overwhelmed with the moral obligations of being a missionary (feeling the need to be perfect, that I am being constantly surveilled and judged) that I had to, just for a moment, get away. While the speaker continued teaching, I opened my Bible to Psalm 63, and as I read, tears filled my eyes as I just took in the beauty and promise of God. This passage completely reflected my heart. David said it much better than I ever could have articulated.
I will fail if I don't spend time meditating on God Himself. If I prioritize trying to do this job well in my own strength, everything crumbles.
I am also SO thrilled to be going to this city. I have checked out some books from our library and I find it to be an intoxicating place already. So, so, so excited. And so happy that this is coming to fruition after years of dreaming, of considering what it would be like to be in missions. I am in it. I am preparing to do what I think I'm made to do... and that makes my heart so... full.
Hope this wasn't TOO candid. Training really is wonderful. It's just hard sometimes.
With love and promise,
Megan
So, the other day I had the amaaazing opportunity to have a portrait session with the lovely Nancy Ray. What a beautiful, talented, encouraging lady she is! I am so blessed to have her in my life. I'm soo excited about the photos! They're so happy and fun and nature-y and I love it!!!
nancyrayblog.com -- check it. And become hooked, because her portraits/weddings are phenomenal.
With love and lots of happy photos to choose from for prayer cards,
Megan
My life right now is a whirlwind of blessings, giddy smiles, tears, goodbyes, etc.
I'm journaling a lot more... moments are precious and I don't want to forget them.
I tend to get a bit emo these days, so here I am going to list the things I'm looking forward to.
*A fresh beginning.
*Being able to 'nest.' Not that I'll have a family or anything, but I love decorating, and I think it'll be good to create a space of my own when I arrive in Europe. Eee!
*New streets to explore
*Lots of good coffee, from what I hear
*A job that allows me to flex my creative muscles and do what I am really passionate about.
*A people that I can't wait to get to know and serve and show that they are valuable and loved.
*Peace in the fact that God has orchestrated this opportunity perfectly. I can't imagine anything better, and the way this has come about is just unbelievable!
This will be so good. Note to self: don't be so sad!
With love and Jess Ray's new album (download it immediately!),
Megan
(This goes out to Thomas, who keeps me accountable. Ha!)
Written from memory, ready go:
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:19-20.
booyah! Week one.
Currently listening to: Mad, Ne-Yo (I know this song is ridiculously old, but I just downloaded it, and I'm listening to it on repeat.)
I don't really have anything particular that I would like to blog about, but it's been a while and I feel neglectful. I also feel like I'm cheating on Blogspot because I'm working on making a new blog for Prague adventures... sorry Blogspot. We've had some good times, and maybe I will still keep up with you.
Here are some highlights in the current life of Megan:
1. I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday. I am awfully chubby-cheeked. It's embarrassing. I'm also sick from the meds and I just want to get better so I can get out of bed and actually see people.
2. Here are my New Year's Resolutions:
Memorize a scripture verse each week and keep up with them, writing them out cumulatively each month.
Create something once a week-- a special photograph, a poem, a recipe, a mug, a painting, whatever. And log it.
Drink a lot of water. It's healthy.
I figure these are all tangible enough. Not like, "Be more mindful of what you eat," or "Exercise more." Runners-up include falling into a responsible/healthy routine, learning how to be a good storyteller, and not letting boys ru(i)n my life. (You see what I did there?) All of which are good goals that I also hope to accomplish.
3. I am leaving for two months of training in Richmond in 19 days!! What in the world. I am so ready/not ready for this. I love the people in my life and I just don't want to let them go yet. But I'm also ready to start a job that I think I will love. It will be so good for me. The timing is just bad in some ways.
4. My mom gave me a little pot of hyacinth, which smells unbelievable and makes me very happy.
5. I like A Fine Frenzy. What wonderful girly music.
6. Here's some fun things that I've come across on the interwebs recently. And I hope you're not offended by the use of the word "hell." I think this comic is hilarious.
With love and talking about weddingy things with Bristol,
Megan
I'm so thankful for the way Scripture refreshes. When I spend time away from it, I get that weak feeling... that feeling I get when I'm too lazy to pack healthy lunches for work and consequently eat nothing but fast food all day... that dehydrated, malnourished, alive-but-not-living-well feeling.
And then I come back to Scripture, and it's like everything falls into place again. This is the way things are supposed to be. God speaks, and I am filled with truth.
While those times away from God's Word are not good, I do return with a certain thirst for it, the kind that results only from separation. Even the simplest words of truth completely alter my perspective.
That's how I'm feeling today... I'm just skimming across the Old Testament, taking in all the goodness of God, His faithfulness to Israel over and over and over again, even when they were so unfaithful. Every instance of His faithfulness strikes me because I know it so well. He is so good to me when I am selfish to the core.
The end.
With love and such,
Megan
In the past two days, I have experienced so much wonderfulness from my co-workers, who also happen to be dear friends.
This wonderfulness includes a fun manager-approved Dunkin Donuts run, conversations with funny fake accents that maybe went too far (a customer was abruptly greeted with a "HALLO!"), the image of a VERY awkward dance to Earth, Wind and Fire seared into my brain, and lots of hearty laughs in the midst of a very busy and stressful two days.
In short, I love the people I work with. A lot, a lot, a lot, times infinity.
Also on the list of people I think are great: two ladies who sent me Christmas cards with really personal messages (both of which made me cry, and I don't really cry a lot). I'm so thankful to know so many talented and strong ladies and to share life and adventures with them.
Now I have a decorated tree and I am watching The Holiday until I drift off into a deep sleep. I will wake up whenever my littlest brother bursts into my room and declares it is time for me to get up. This usually happens around 7.
And I am so thankful for Jesus. What a beautiful Savior. I can't even wrap my mind around it. And meditating on Him and His birth these past few weeks has been so refreshing.
With love and joy,
Megan
It's starting to set in that I'm leaving for two years. It is scaring the CRAP out of me.
I think it would have been easier to bolt right out of college, but now that I've settled into a full-time job and doing a lot more with my church and spending lots of time with RDU friends, I have become comfortable. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm called to this writing/photo job (so many things have been orchestrated over the past 8 months or so). It's just going to be really, really, really hard.
I try to focus on what I'm moving toward, not what I'm leaving behind. This is primarily because the thought of leaving my family, my dearest friends and my work-family makes me weep. (No hyperbole here.) I know I will have to face it, and it will SUCK. But I just can't. Not until I have to. Oh darn, now I'm thinking about it and here come the waterworks.
Two years is a long time.
In other news, I decorated my planner through the beginning of February. That always makes me happy. And I cleaned my room a bit. I need a haircut. I need to take photos for my prayer cards. I need to chill out and stop thinking of more things I need to do.
Also, I got a Christmas card today that was super encouraging, and it made me cry. Of course it's from a new, wonderful friend whom I am just getting to know and have to leave in January! Baaah!
With love and trying not to be too sentimental,
Megan
Maybe it's the fact that I watched Once last night, or maybe it's the fact that I'm feeling inspired, or maybe I'm just bored. But I realized this afternoon how much I miss making music.
In high school I studied and practiced piano and music theory. I was in every choral group our school offered, and I went to NC honors chorus. Music was the thing that drove me, it was a source of energy and peace. It was magical and beautiful.
My last year of college I took voice lessons. It was freeing and difficult and caused me to come out of my shell and let my voice resonate through a concert hall. It felt incredible. And then I graduated and stopped really singing.
Now I just absentmindedly sing in my car. I have accumulated a library of songs on my ipod that makes me feel good, and I can select an album that fits my mood, and that is that.
I used to sit at the piano and hammer away at difficult lines of classical songs. I would plunk out right-hand, left-hand, and finally the slow-and-painful combination of the two until my muscle memory became so fluent that I could breathe deeply, even close my eyes for a moment, and let the music envelop me.
Now I sit at a piano and feel like I never knew how to play at all.
So I guess this is my way of saying I'm going to try to play and make music again.
With love and song,
Megan
If you want to see a little of what I love to do:
with love and our project winning CPOY silver (woo!),
Megan
today.
i poured my heart out to God, crying in my car, in the rain.
i laughed with my fantastic co-workers about random things.
i met with a lovely friend who is going to do so many beautiful things with her life.
i learned how freeing it is to move on. i will get there fully.
i got upset that i don't have a boy who cares about me that way.
i sang.
i sang some more.
i got a milkshake.
and i am going to get a full night's sleep.
days like this make me feel really alive.
with love and listening to ingrid michaelson (always wonderful and optimistic),
Megan
I just woke up from a three-hour nap I did not intend to take.
So this evening will be filled with laundry, reading, hot tea, sermon-listening and restless sleep till I wake up at 6 tomorrow. woohoo!
The fact that I'm moving away is starting to freak me out. Maybe it's the fact that I have two months left at home. Or maybe it's just that I'm really happy with life right now. I love the people in it, and I'm getting to know new friends better, and I'm realizing how much I really need my best and oldest friends.
It's hard to find a balance between loving people without reservation, but also allowing myself to be flexible, mobile, somewhat detached. I've always hated the idea of holding back love in the name of self-preservation. But it's going to hurt so much to rip myself away from everything I know.
And that makes me think of this quote that I need to have cross-stitched on a pillow or tattooed on my arm or something:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-- safe, dark, motionless, airless-- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -C.S. Lewis
That would be a really long tattoo. Cross-stitching, it is.
With love and not getting anything productive done today (yet!),
Megan
Greensboro always makes me think about what I want to do with my life.
On the list of things to ponder:
Do I want to settle in the U.S.?
Do I want to live in an ever-bustling, trendy and exciting city or out in the country where I can own land and run around in the woods and build a treehouse for my kids?
Do I want to adopt? (I think the answer will be yes.)
On the list of things to do in the next two months:
Read up on American history
Read up on Czech history
Start learning Czech
Learn how to do my makeup
On the list of things to do in the next few years:
Live in CZ
Live in Sweden?
Find a dateable boy
Make my life count for something big.
with love and lists,
Megan
I went to campus tomorrow and went to the music building practice rooms and just sang and played piano?
I don't want to be one of those graduates that just friggin' can't let go of being a student and therefore stalks around campus being all creepy and old.
But for reals. I miss Chapel Hill/Carrboro.
I google imaged "creepy old student" and THIS came up. Really?!?!
On the list of things to accomplish tomorrow:
FIX MY BUDGET. Holy crap. I haven't kept track of it at all for the past, oh, two weeks.
Go to the dentist. Hope I don't have any crazy problems. It's been about two years... eek!
Read a bunch while visiting Cafe Driade for what I'm expecting to be a pretty fantastic latte.
Wear fun clothes that I can't normally wear to work under a bright florescent 'avert your eyes' orange t-shirt.
With love and weird ominous swollen lymph nodes,
Megan
I hopped out of my car at Starbucks, eagerly anticipating coffee and the new Swell Season album. I wore my boots for the first time this fall, and as I click-clicked down the sidewalk, I admired the cloudy fall weather and contemplated my impending coffee purchase. As I walked toward the door, I saw a man with a long beard sitting at an outdoor table. Interrupting my coffee thoughts (pumpkin spice latte or peppermint mocha? Is it too early for a peppermint mocha? I don't want to get tired of them before December) came an abrupt question from the man at the table.
"You're a Christian, aren't you?"
I was startled. I thought he might have seen the Ichthus on the back of my car, but my car was around the corner.
"What?" I managed to blurt out.
"A born-again believer. A Christian."
"Oh... yes, why do you ask?"
"Something about you, your mannerisms, when you walked by, I could tell."
I was completely taken aback. I didn't know what to say. He went on to say that he went to church nearby, and he spoke about how God equips us all with different gifts, and that they need to be exercised. He told me not to be afraid to speak truth into the lives of other people.
Mainly, I just nodded my head. Normally, these kinds of situations would freak me out. But oddly enough, I was incredibly encouraged. He let me go on my way (and first prayed for me), but I was just so surprised by that encounter. I think he's part of a church whose character is much different than that of
my church, but his words were full of scripture and humility. I was just really glad to have that conversation with a total stranger.
Currently watching: Once. Very halloween-appropriate, huh?
Obsessively listening to: The Swell Season's new album. Beauuuuty.
Currently wanting: to be more confident in sharing what I believe. I fear misrepresenting the Gospel/appearing ignorant. SO much. There is so much I don't know or understand.
Currently reading: Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It's pretty fantastic.
with love and an uneventful halloween (except for that I dressed up as a gangster rapper yesterday with dreds and all, that was pretty fun, except apparently I looked more like Avril Lavigne... fail...),
Megan
"This is what I was made to do."
I've never had that feeling before. Ever. During college, I always second-guessed my choices of majors. (Photojournalism and psychology? Really, you're going to find a job with that dynamic duo?)
I didn't really want to work for a newspaper. I didn't really want to do weddings forever (as much as I love them, I just don't feel a strong passion that will keep me in that field for very long). I wasn't sure about pursuing counseling, because that's a lot of schoolin' and money for a job I'm not sure I want to do forever.
This week, all doubt is removed from my mind regarding what I will be doing for the next two years, and maybe beyond.
Job title: writer/editor/photographer
Location: the Czech Republic
The job itself is going to be freakin' incredible. And beyond that, God has totally put European peoples on my heart recently. I think eventually I would like to be in Stockholm. But for the next two years, Praha, I'm yours.
Fact of the day: the Czech Republic is the most atheistic country in Europe. With its turbulent history, I am a bit overwhelmed.
This week I had the privilege of meeting a lot of really great girls and guys with the same heart for the nations. I've never experienced anything like it, and this diversity-loving lady was PSYCHED to see God orchestrate their passions and destinations.
I am way excited about the days to come. But way sad to think that in three months I have to say hundreds of goodbyes.
with love and purpose,
Megan
Baaah I leave for conference in two days!!!
To do:
Budget for these next two weeks, pay off credit card and take into account the fact that I will be without a week of income!
Read, read, read, read like a maniac!
Laundry!
Pack!
Travel playlist!
Go to work!
Oh boy.
And when I come back, I run ten miles! I have proven to myself that I CAN make it this far, so I'm way stoked.
With love and excitement,
Megan
To be honest, few things really offend me. But this made me furious all day long.
A customer came in to the store today with an iMac that didn't work. He told me he worked for a particular church. I told him that we do repairs by appointment basis, and that I could book him the next available appointment in two hours.
Initiate freakout. This customer went on a self-entitled rant how an appointment system is stupid, how Apple doesn't care about its customers, and then proceeded to call his co-worker and loudly give a diatribe (making sure I could hear him) about how I was being "snooty."
Of course, he eventually calmed down and took the earliest available appointment, and made a weak attempt to cover himself ("You were just doing your job... but Apple is just practicing bad business, blah blah blah")
So he went on his merry way, and I was totally angry. It's one thing for a customer to be rude-- this happens on a very regular basis. But for you to tell me that you work on LEADERSHIP at a CHURCH, and then proceed to loudly insult me on the phone to your friend... that is NOT okay.
What an awful representation of the gospel. I hate that people experience this all the time, because it is not fair, and it is not Christ. I know we're imperfect people and we are inevitably going to be somewhat hypocritical because we represent a holy God... but come on. You've gotta work harder than giving childish tirades when your wants are not immediately accommodated.
Just a rant. I'm done now.
With love and wanting to make a t-shirt that says "be nice,"
Megan
My best friend is engaged!!!!!! It's about freakin time :)
We are some high-class broads. This picture was taken like 5 years ago; perhaps we've matured since then?
Nah.
Also, I was a second-shooter for a wedding this past weekend. It was nice to shoot again for the first time in a month or so. Maybe one day I will format photos for web. Instead, they are a bit washed out. Oops!
I know a lot of people don't like reception photos because of low light and such. But I think reception photos are my favorites!! I love how everyone loosens up and becomes more expressive and comfortable. Including myself, because I don't have to worry about being a distraction during the ceremony or posing shots. I can just walk around and have fun and document.
(He spun her around. It was adorable.)
Fin.
With love and now my text is centered but I'm way too lazy to do anything about it,
Megan
I know I'll be ok.
I went through a lot of crap this summer. It was all self-inflicted. And God is mercifully showing me just how broken I am, and how beloved I am. And, even when things look entirely bleak and miserable, they do get better!
And what an inexplicable joy it is to now be in pursuit of God instead of running from Him, to actually reciprocate in this love-relationship with Him. And I'm starting to feel a refreshed love for Europe and for the gospel and for life. God, help me to remember how much I need You.
I can't wait for candidate conference!
With love and books (I have made far too many book purchases this week),
Megan
