I just read this on
J.D.'s blog. It is real good. Read the whole thing.
What of Peter's admonition to "be ready to give an answer?" He means we are to live in such a way that our lives BEG a question from people that are watching, not that we're just ready to "talk about our faith when people are curious." Our lives were to be so characterized by RADICAL generosity, and they were to display such joy in the midst of suffering, that people were simply befuddled and had to ask us what was wrong with us.
I went to the Orange House today. [The Orange House is a house whose residents are living with AIDS and receiving care. I'm doing my final photo story on them, and I am so freaking excited.] I LOVE these people. They are so willing to speak (perhaps not so much willing to be photographed), but willing to say, "life goes on; I take care of myself now better than I ever did." And vulnerable enough to say, "Don't be afraid of me." And hilarious enough to tell inappropriate jokes and say to me, "Oh it's ok for you to have a drink. We just got new cups." -- after talking about how misinformed people think you can catch AIDS by drinking out of the same glass, etc. I just want to go hang out with them! I'm really excited to do audio interviews with them tomorrow; I think I have a really good idea for an audio plotline if I can get the audio to work it.
Mk. Places to go, people to see.
With love and IT TOTALLY SNOWED THE OTHER DAY FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!,
Megan
Please, please, please!
If I could be anywhere at this moment: I'd be in Munich, sipping Starbucks and walking around in the snow (according to weather.com, it's supposed to snow there next weekend-- I could make it just in time!).
I think it is the most liberating thing to know that I could go to RDU right now with a credit
card and passport, and just up and go! Anywhere!!! Seriously, how freaking freeing would it be to just up and fly to Europe?! I would totally do it if I had a remotely significant amount of savings.
I can't find my green flower hat and that makes me really upset. I bought it in Geneva (at H&M, but still!) and I must find it.
I just really like my room. It's awesome and blue-green and ... awesome again, for emphasis. I just thrive on having my own space and decorating it the way I love it. See, this part of me wants to change my focus to graphic design (too late now, really), but I went to world market today and I feel like if I could just walk around and absorb inspiration from the patterns and color combinations and graphics out there, I could be really creative.
Good thing I got into Intro to Graphic Design next semester! And I'm doing studio photo, which means even more creativity! Wooo!
I need to make a list of things to do tonight:
1. Work on Multimedia Exam
2. Finish Montague photo book
3. I really would like to practice piano. I haven't in sooo long and I really want to learn Christmas music... or Pachelbel's Canon in D.
4. Write Tiff's card to go with her birthday present (two months late). I'm a bad friend.
5. Laundrytime!
6. Hangy-outy-with-bristol-time!
I am also excited about tomorrow because it is a day full of singing! See, this makes me want to change my major to music because I have become addicted to choir and other such musical things. I would love to be a high school choir teacher.
I would love to be a high school teacher, period.
Here are the occupations I am contemplating, that are currently posted to my door:
-Teacher
-Social Worker
-Graphic Designer
-Tour guide (TEMPORARILY, and in Florence, Rome, Bologna, Munich, Ireland, the UK, Sweden or Spain)
-Photojournalist
-Counseling Psychologist
-School Psychologist
-2 years of missions
-Youth ministry worker
-Travel journalist
-Freelancer and blogger (I would clearly put more effort and less stream-of-consciousness into that blog).
Potential Locations:
Ireland
New York City
Greensboro
Stockholm
Africa, anywhere.
Maybe even New England somewhere. Unless The Happening... well... happens, and the trees kill off everyone.
Geez, that was a terrible movie.
Anyway. Enough future talk. Here is what is happening currently:
School.
Um. That's about it.
I'm taking voice lessons, which are going pretty well, I can totally tell that I'm improving a lot, but I get really frustrated because you can't really separate yourself from your voice. I can't walk away from it, it's always with me and in me, and so when I feel like I'm doing badly, I tend to internalize. I'm also getting over the fact that I don't like to be loud, which means I totally wimp out instead of going for the really high stuff that I know I can hit. Hm, confidence issues? That's totally new to me! (Written with more than a hint of sarcasm)
I've taken a not-so-good-hiatus from spending time with God, but, by his grace, I'm back. I'm re-reading through John, and that's giving me a new appreciation for the life of Jesus, and for the gospel. The words, "grace upon grace," keep resonating in my head. God knows I need that to be in my head as much as possible, or else I get really discouraged and distracted.
Something J.D. said in his sermon last week (that I listened to this morning) really struck me: that we distract ourselves from the fact that we are just unhappy. I have really felt it this past couple of weeks, and I finally broke down one evening, driving home. I need Him so desperately, and I have COMPLETELY been distracting myself-- with these dreams of mine, with wanting-but-not-really-wanting-a-boyfriend, with school, with making myself more stressed than I need to be. All to pass the time so I didn't have to think about how miserable my life is when it's not centered at its core on the Lord.
But I'm learning! Yay!
With love and probably wearing my favorite fall-leaf-shirt for the last time this season,
Megan
Currently listening (with fervor) to: The Hush Sound
Currently sipping: hot chocolate
Currently wishing for: snow
You. Guys. Big news. I FOUND MY HAT. (I just typed, "I found my hate," and it made me chuckle). No, but really, I found my flower hat and I am full of glee and relief.
At this moment, if I could be anywhere, I'd be:
(Füssen, Germany)
I can't figure out whether my flightiness will subside one of these days. Right now I am just so... dreamy and not-together. And I feel completely glued to the ground right now, trudging through the requirements of school and life in general.
I just crave freedom-- I crave time to invest in things that matter. Time to invest in people. Time to take care of myself. Time to just be.
I need to make time.
I'm such a broken record.
With love and a candle,
Megan
Today, I sat in the Viscom labs from 2 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. I did not leave the building. And I only left the room twice-- once for water and once to talk to the wonderful Emily, whom I love. But this was an eerie experience, and this is why:
1. The viscom labs are in the basement. Zero sunlight down there. So it's freakin weird to go in while the sun is high, to leave finding the world pitch black. It's like a weird time warp. Was I really just in the same room for eleven hours?
2. You start seeing crap when you stare at a computer screen for that long. I swear there were little gnats flying around, but every time I looked up, they weren't actually there. What the?
3. After leaving the labs and walking to my car, I passed girls dressed all scantily-and-club-like. I realized they were going home. I just left the labs and these people have already partied themselves out and are going to bed. I feel somewhat cheated.
4. Campus is just eerie that late at night. No one is around. At all. Anywhere. I thought, "What if I were to get attacked?" No one would hear me. But at the same time, I bet the killers are all at home asleep. (I will also have you know that I went over potential counter-attacks in my head, thanks to Self Defense class. Finishing move: eyes, nose, throat, groin, or knee! Be aware of your environment! Momentum and leverage! Attack the weak point of the grip!)
That's enough.
5. I was waiting outside of the dining hall for someone to bring my OneCard back when this girl starts walking by me, but then she up and starts running! I know that I looked kind of rough today with the ponytail and lack of makeup, but do I seriously look so bad as to give the impression I'm going to kill you and you need to run for your life?!
Also, we established that energy-efficient lighting = rape-efficient lighting. Energy-efficient bulbs just are less bright. That's all there is to it. You can't see anything.
Thus concludes my late-night-campus-adventures. I am completely certain there will be more to come.
With love and not even wanting to look at a computer (except I am right now, and I'm going to sell them for nine hours tomorrow),
Megan
Today, I woke up at 5, studied for an exam, threw together an audio slideshow (the audio suuucks) stressed and ran and cramped and hated being a girl and teared up and made plans and cancelled plans.
Now, all is done, it's the weekend and I am lying in my oh-so-comfy bed. Tonight's plans include making my bedroom floor visible and watching a movie. And lighting a candle that I bought from Nested. It's tiny and not very strong smelling. Bummer.
This picture makes me want to live in Seattle and drink coffee and carry fresh flowers home. And dress up for halloween and simultaneously look awesome! Probably not in a witch's hat, but to each his own.
I keep finding myself in the classic selfish-Christian situation: I ask for help because I need it terribly --> God provides --> I thank Him --> I forget to thank Him for everything else He does to sustain me --> I need something again.
Today I was in such need of help from Him-- just to keep me standing/not in tears. I asked for help and I knew I hadn't been giving Him the kind of praise He deserves. So I think of things to praise Him for. But is it really all motivated by my neediness and my selfish motives? Do I love God because of what I know He provides for me? Or do I love Him and worship Him solely because of who He is? But I know that it is in His character to love me and see me as redeemed, and to continue to shape me to be like Him.
Hm.
I took pictures of John McCain this week. Twas cool. I broke some rules, but I was polite, so it was ok. It made me feel like a real photojournalist. I even talked it up with some newspaper photographers, and someone asked me if I was from MTV. That made me feel kind of cool.
Can I just say that I love my church? Because I do. I went to choir, which always ends up ministering to me as much as church on Sundays. Last Sunday (I'm so bummed I wasn't there), they baptized a LOT (like more than 100) people after the services. I am so pumped about this. AND I might be getting a photography internship with some of the teams in Central Asia next summer! How freakin amazing would that be?
Today I was walking to my car, and there was a little boy (about 3 years old) on a church playground on the way to Franklin St. He was dressed as Superman. As I walked by, he ran over to the fence and pointed at his costume, and I said something about how awesome his costume was. I started to walk away, and he dramatically yelled, "WAAIT!" So I came back and he mumbled something incoherent that ended with the word "playground," and so I asked if he was having fun on the playground. He jumped up and was like, "YES!" And ran into his little playground house thing. I said bye to Superman, and I could not stop smiling. I just miss kids.
How am I going to be a photojournalist (or whatever the heck I decide to be) and have a family? Gah! (Rational Megan says: I'm 21; what is wrong with me?)
Ok I'm done. On to full relaxation mode.
With love and camera equipment,
Megan
So, I sing with the symphony and I get to hang out with/take photos of freakin amazing BMX bikers.
My life is so diverse and awesome! At least this week.
I'm laying on the aero-bed that now occupies my old room in Raleigh. It is so nice to be home. I think I need to start doing my tough work solely in the library or somewhere that isn't my room. I think it would be therapeutic or something to isolate stressful worky-ness from my living space. Feng shui or zen or something to that effect.
Oh man, do I love fall.
Seriously, what a stream-of-consciousness mess this post is.
I'm exhausted.
Fin.
with love and yoga pants,
Megan
