I swear, I sound like a broken record, but I don't usually have the initiative to talk things out to someone. So I need to write, and blogspot is my medium tonight.
This constant urge to travel, to be abroad, to move... it is relentless. And unrealistic. I dream of a life on the go, photographing beautiful things and writing about them. Seeing new things and embracing new cultures and people. I long for this so much (and maybe, if I'm lucky, to do all these things with a man who I can commit my life to). This draw, this obsession with maps and places and photographs, is it selfish? I'm brought to tears each time I close my eyes and mentally make my way through the streets of Florence, wait for the metro in a filthy station in Paris, wander the residential back alleys of Venice. The thought that moments like these may never happen again is heartbreaking, and I quickly have to change my train of thought to something more practical.
The fact that I've had the opportunity to do this is unimaginable. Why should I have been so, so fortunate enough to do these things in my life? And how is it that it has not been enough for me? Is this egocentric dreaming, or is God building up something in me that will be played out in the next years of my life? I feel so selfish wanting to do all these things, but I cannot shake this.
I want to make sense of these things, in time to apply for jobs and ministries in the next month or so.
Just thoughts. Any insights would be fantastic (yes, you). Even if all you have to say is that I'm a privileged kid who needs to suck it up and get a real job.
With love and chocolate,
Megan
Dear Megan.
I think that God gives us dreams for a reason. I know it feel like things are getting crunched since time is ticking, but God has a plan and it will be revealed in due time. And sometimes we just have to step in faith and trust that He'll catch us. This could be the only time in your life that you can do the things that you want.
There's that verse that talks about God giving you the desires of your heart. God will give you the desires of your heart and you seek HIS heart. And as your heart melds with his, your desires will become what he desires for you and so getting what you desire will be much more simple, because it will be what he wanted for you all along. I am very sleepy and should be asleep, so I don't know if that made any sparkle of sense, but know that you are dearly loved and in my prayers.