On the way home, I just talked to God. Out loud. I'm a verbal processor, I think, but I don't want to process to people most of the time because it first comes out as total nonsense. It was really healthy just to be candid (because, seriously, God knows what's in my head anyway). The things coming out of my mouth lately are less and less proper. I'm shaking off a lot of the Christian jargon that I grew up with, and just talking. Speaking the words that are bouncing around my brain and just getting them out and trying to make sense of them.
I'm in the middle of a rebellious streak. I don't want to feel like I have something to prove, to myself or to anybody. But I do right now. I'm not sure why. I feel like just defying everything. That's so atypical for me. I feel like such a mess, and I don't feel quite like myself. But it will pass, and I can make it.
This probably makes no sense, but this is me processing, so there.
Lilies are making my room smell fabulous, and I'm about to drift off into a very sound sleep. Three hours is not enough, I have learned.
With love and exhaustion (in every sense),
Megan
*I want my marriage to resemble this. At least I just think it's adorable and beautiful and earthy and lovely.
megan, i really like your blog. your frustrations with being cyclical/over-analytical are encouraging...you aren't the only one. God is clearly working in you; He will finish the GOOD work which he began in you!