Training has been good. It's been exhausting. I think I'm suffering from information overload at this point, just trying to stay afloat. I have never felt simultaneously so ready and so unprepared for a task.
I find myself having to retreat to God's word and God's presence frequently. This is so necessary and I'm so thankful that God has brought my heart to this place. I have a habit of writing down my prayers or taking notes to keep myself busy and engaged, which ironically distracts me from the fact that I am interacting with the God of the universe. These past two weeks have made me thirsty for time alone, lying on my bed and pouring out my heart to God. This morning in the middle of a session, I got so overwhelmed with the moral obligations of being a missionary (feeling the need to be perfect, that I am being constantly surveilled and judged) that I had to, just for a moment, get away. While the speaker continued teaching, I opened my Bible to Psalm 63, and as I read, tears filled my eyes as I just took in the beauty and promise of God. This passage completely reflected my heart. David said it much better than I ever could have articulated.
I will fail if I don't spend time meditating on God Himself. If I prioritize trying to do this job well in my own strength, everything crumbles.
I am also SO thrilled to be going to this city. I have checked out some books from our library and I find it to be an intoxicating place already. So, so, so excited. And so happy that this is coming to fruition after years of dreaming, of considering what it would be like to be in missions. I am in it. I am preparing to do what I think I'm made to do... and that makes my heart so... full.
Hope this wasn't TOO candid. Training really is wonderful. It's just hard sometimes.
With love and promise,