Sometimes I think I am very good at being single. I like the freedom. I like being unattached. Because I can see myself moving to Prague for a couple of years, then traveling who knows where doing something else wonderful and adventurous and new. No ties.
But then I think about how great it would be to share those things with someone, to be with someone whose heart is equally infused with the love of travel and adventure. To walk along the Cliffs of Moher looking out over the sea, to trek across India or sip coffee in a Swedish coffee shop. And suddenly I am just as lonely as the girl who cries, "I just want a boyfriend." Except that it's not just some guy I want, it's The Guy.
I think it would be nice to have a relationship that embraces freedom. Maybe that's completely unrealistic. But to trust each other enough to give the other space, and at the same time know that you need each other and you are wholly committed to each other... I think it would be cool.
But I'm still thrilled to be embarking on this adventure on my own. I don't really think I'd have it any other way. I don't know what I want, really.
But I do know that if The Guy had an accent, I wouldn't mind.
With love and being a silly girl,
Megan
(in other words, like a big fat wedding photo failure)
I want to be good. For real. How is it that I still have SO MUCH trouble with off-camera flash? Oh yeah, because I hate it and use it as little as possible. And HOW is it appropriate for me to still mess up exposure? Note to self: learn how to use light, ya ninny. You have a degree in this.
I also had my eyes opened to the fact that I need equipment. Like woah. I do not have a decent flash. I do not have any lenses that are low-light-situation-appropriate. And, on top of this, my shutter died immediately following the ceremony, rendering my camera unusable (good thing Annie had a spare). But that will be like 400 bucks to repair!
Oh, Jesus. Remind me that my life does not depend on money. Money frustrates me anyway.
I was also encouraged by this quite timely blog post from the Wedding Photographer of All Wedding Photographers (in my opinion), Jasmine Star.
Anyhow, here's some shots from today. Yay for learning experiences!
With love and life lessons,
Megan
(Confession: once I sang that song for an a capella group audition. It was silly but fun. And way embarrassing.)
I love the pieces in this Etsy shop. I want to hang like 10 of them in my house. Art + Words = Lovely.
I can't wait till I live abroad. I feel like I'll collect so many treasures and photos and memories, that my senses will be maxed out from everything I want to soak in, and I'll flop into bed at night knowing I'm living an adventure. How perfectly orchestrated it all would be-- doing a job that I love, that isn't the same day in and out, loving people and ministering to them, demonstrating the Gospel to them, all the while living in one of the most beautiful cities in Europe?
Why are we prone to think that God doesn't want to bless us?
"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11
(With an exclamation point, mind you.) This week, I have been so overcome with worry-- what if something goes wrong and I won't get to go to Prague? I'm honestly expecting something to mess it up. It frustrates me that my default mode of thinking is so self-sabotaging. God knows my willingness to be a part of missions, He knows my potentially excessive desire to live abroad for a few years. Why don't I trust that He wants good for be because He loves me?
At choir tonight we talked about a man who passed away last week-- He was an active member of the choir, and when he asked friends to pray for him in his sickness, he would say something like, "pray for the one whom Jesus loves." And he'd point to scripture, affirming his identity as a precious son of God. I hope that I come to the point where it's second nature to say of myself, "I am the one whom Jesus loves." Life must be SO much better when we embrace that truth. Why is it so difficult?
Oh yeah, because satan's a jerk.
But here's to believing, anchoring my hope in the Lord, and embracing my identity as a treasured, loved child of God, believing He wants good for me because He loves me deeply.
With love and a summer waitressing job,
Megan
Currently wanting to live in: this photo
photo from black*eiffel
Can I take a moment to briefly sing the praises of Mint.com? Because I need serious help with budgeting, and when you link it to your bank account it shows you how much you spend on food, gas, entertainment, shopping, etc. by automatically sifting through and categorizing your checking acct. transactions! Amaaaazing! I always ask WHERE my money goes, and Mint is all, "let me show you!" AND it's free.
I am thankful for my friends. I love them dearly.
I think today I might drive around and take pictures, because that's fun and therapeutic. Maybe this evening.
Ooh, and I'm second-shooting my first wedding this weekend! I'm quite excited!!!
(Please note that it is now 7:52. I woke up at 6:15 and couldn't go back to sleep. WORST FEELING EVER, because I only got like 5 hours of sleep!)
I have nothing really substantial to say, other than I need a new pair of jeans, and I'm glad summer's here.
And my Toms came in the mail. I have happy feet.
With love and things to do,
Megan
(fyi: a blessing book is something I decided to keep because Emily was doing it. It's just a daily list of things that made me happy)
Some of these, I really don't remember, or know what they mean. But boy are they funny.
-Camper wanting CPR from Brad
-Being one of Colin's "favorite staff members"
-Folding Jarrod's laundry (bahahaha...)
-Refreshing after-taps breeze and a cabin of awesome girls (we really did have a cabin of all-stars that week, including Ginger and Catherine, Nicole Bieber, Rebekah Byram, Jacquie Goeking and Susan Jennings. And Kendall Tetsworth! How were we not honor cabin!?)
-Storybook Names, including "Garby in the Dark" and "Debbie and the Ham"
-Wash sheds and girly talks with Rachel
-Singing in the wash sheds with Bristol
-Emily taking care of me when I needed it
-Visiting Leah at the waterfront
-"I'm gonna Amram your house"
-"Audrey's mother is Santa."
-"You know what they say... you can't forgive a pheasant." -Aaron
-Fireworks
-Dan Breeding: There are two types of Alligators-- American and...
Some Kid: FRENCH!!!
-"Bowl of Health"- I think that was from Rachel, because she is encouraging and sweet and gift-give-y.
-Flowers from Sherry
-Garby and Garbetta playing carpetball
-Malibu Garby
-Howling at the moon
-Talking to Leah about life
-CIT porch time with Alex and Elizabeth (remember when we could actually sit on the porch with our CITs?)
Dangit. I just miss the community, the fellowship and the encouragement from that summer. Things kind of changed after that year, but it was really beautiful. I think that's how we are meant to live as believers, in a loving community with each other, looking out for each other, laughing and growing with each other.
What a good chapter in my life. I hate that I can't go back to it. But I guess it's on to other adventures, other experiences of Christlike community, acceptance and beauty.
With love and being a sentimental schmuck,
Megan
For real.
Just saying.
With love and really late-night sweet potato fries,
Megan
I do know what I love about this week: driving at night, windows down while the misty air hangs heavy, laced with honeysuckle. (The best is when it's really late, and when I come to a stoplight, I sing loudly-- windows still down-- out into the night because the world is asleep.)
I am really excited to order a pair of blue madras Tom's. I am also anxious for my cheap-o but wonderful 50mm lens to come in!
I'm going to miss apartment 88.
I think I want to learn how to paint this summer.
With love and such,
Megan
I finished my second-to-last exam. And I bought a cap and gown. And I fell asleep to the rain, which was a totally awful idea because I have a final at 8 tomorrow morning that I MUST do well on. Rain, why must you soothe me so?
I bought a book of stories by Franz Kafka today. I feel like I need to be well versed in Kafka before I move to Prague.
(Move to Prague! Goodness gracious.)
And I need to find a part-time job. I have been alerted to the fact that I'm really picky about what I want to do (I don't want to be stuck in some sterile, air-conditioned, white-walled office or retail store doing something I hate all day). I would like to be busy, or to be outside, or to be organizing things (seriously, weird, but I really wouldn't mind being a receptionist for a summer). Just... not hating my days stuck inside while the summer sun is beckoning me to romp around outside.
My words are really silly today.
But really, I just need a job.
And now, I will lock myself away in Barnes and Noble, with a white mocha, for quite a while to study Media Ethics. My last parking-myself-in-a-bookstore-to-study! Sad.
Also, I will forever associate James Taylor with my lovely Carolina, and every time I hear him I get all sentimental. Un. Healthy.
With love and James Taylor making me depressed,
Megan
If all continues to go well, come October I will be living in this city for two years!!!!
photo by charlesbrookscellist
photo by Optical_Illusion
Yesmaam/sir. Prague. I am so thrilled at the way the Lord has worked this out (slowly and turbulently, but surely). Thrilled. I would be writing stories and editing stories and doing photography and serving-- seriously, everything I love wrapped up into one job. I am so happy.
It's all really surreal. At this moment I feel like I'll just go on living in Chapel Hill forever, going to class and being stressed out by photojournalism-- except, oh wait, I'm already done with photojournalism class at Carolina forever! What in the-- what?!
So much is changing. I can't wrap my mind around it. Emily said to me today, "You just got a job in Europe." That sounds so adult to me, so beyond what I feel like I am.
Oh, God, you are so good to me.
With love and honeysuckles and summer and promise,
Megan