God is not in my life enough. I'm so freaking mad at myself for letting that happen COUNTLESS times. I realize it and STILL fail to devote the time to Him that I really need to. I am such a jerk. Ugh.
The main reason for this post, however:
Last night, I had a really strange dream, and it's rare that I remember dreams, so here goes. There were a bunch of little boys in front of me wearing vintage Houston Astros caps (the same one as the guy in the Eve Carson case). There were also a bunch of boys wearing different baseball caps (with just an H on them, without the star). Their hats signified that they were in gangs. I was really intimidated and afraid of them. They looked angry, and I was afraid they were going to hurt me, and I really wanted to escape. But then we were all suddenly in a gymnasium, and underneath their heavy coats and garb they were wearing red basketball uniforms. They grabbed basketballs and started playing and laughing, and they were just regular kids. And I was happy just playing basketball with them. I was relieved, and I didn't have to be afraid of them or afraid for them. Everyone was safe and happy, not threatened.
Before I went to bed last night, I read more about the Eve Carson case. A gang expert had analyzed the hat that a suspect was wearing in a surveillance video, and he said that there was a certain gang that wears vintage Astros caps. Part of the reason for this was that another gang wears different caps, and something about the H on top of a star disgraced the other gang's symbol. So I think that's where the whole baseball cap thing came in.
I've never had a dream I thought was really meaningful before. But I think that has a lot of significance for me. I'm trying so hard to figure out exactly what to invest my life in... this kind of brings in a new perspective. Sometimes I think that I would be doing "more" if I was working for some high-end publication... but maybe my working with kids can change the world a lot more than I thought it could. There's kids who need help so, so badly. And helping them early can make a world of difference to them.
Hmm.... man.
With love and trying to enjoy break,
Megan