I'm sitting in Graham Memorial on a big, soft leather couch. My jeans are rolled up because it's raining, and the sky is gray, but bright. I have an hour until my next class starts, and I have my first Clinical Psyc midterm behind me.

I also don't have my contacts in, and everything is real blurry.

I realized that the peak of my morning is when I first step outside of the apartment. After about 30 minutes of rushing to get ready (following 20 minutes of snooze-button-pushing) I grab two special k waffles out of the toaster and rush out the door. Then, the warmth of the morning hits me. I see trees and sky and breathe summer air. Of course, then I have to rush to catch the bus. But those few moments of being outside are really wonderful. On cloudy days like today, the air is rich with the smell of rain. I wish I could be outdoors more often.

Maybe sometime soon I'll have my "campus is the most beautiful in the summer" rant.

In an attempt to be frugal, I started getting my checking account balance sent to me every morning. There are a lot of things I want to save for. Both things I want to buy soon and things that are way far into the future that I just need to have funds for.

40 minutes till class. The thing I love about Graham Memorial is that it makes me feel like I go to an Ivy League school. The couches are soft leather ones that could have easily been here 50 years ago. Everything is very brown and elegant.

This place suits my mood right now. But I would really like to be in wilderness right now-- maybe in a field in the middle of nowhere. With a warm breeze. And maybe a trustworthy hand to hold. And that reminds me. I think I've been really afraid of marriage, for myself anyway. When I see people getting engaged and married, I feel like it is something incredibly foreign to me, to be engaged and truly happy. To be confident, even excited about spending my life with someone. Because, honestly, the connotation I have with myself getting engaged or married is sheer anxiety and panic. To imagine myself being proposed to, and myself being full of inexplicable joy, is something I see as too good to be true. To good to happen for me. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. But at least I'm aware of my skepticism, I suppose. And maybe it will help me see when I am in the right relationship with the right person. I just need to get rid of that baggage at some point.

Hm. That was more of a rant than I was planning on. Oh well.

I'm really hungery mungery.

With love and bare feet,
Megan

3 comments

1. Emerly Sue on May 28, 2008 at 2:24 PM

   I feel the same way. It's like I can't believe that I would ever love and trust someone enough to want to marry them. And I can't even imagine the excitement. It's just not even a possibility in my mind, I guess.

    
2. Megan on May 29, 2008 at 9:14 PM

   EXACTLY.

    
3. Anonymous on May 30, 2008 at 6:42 PM

   Oh Megan, Megan, Megan (and Emily too), you will undoubtedly find someone that you will spend your life with, and it is NOT too good for you!!! I feel the same way sometimes, but then I realize the silliness of my thought. The fact is, I don't think anyone feels that way until it actually happens, but when it does, all those feelings and emotions will be there...inside of you all along, you just didn't see them because the world wasn't ready for them yet!
   
   So take heart young one (even though you are my elder haha), because sooner or later you are going to be there and I'm gonna just walk up to you out of the blue and say, "(in my yoda voice to sound wise) Told you I did." And you are gonna be like, "You are so right, you are probably the most wise person ever...and that's saying something because I know Emily Jackson." And I will say, "(still in Yoda) Told this before I have been."
   
   Haha...I like writing long comments....have a good day!
   Bradley.