For the past week or so, I've felt really strange in my time in the Lord. I can't pinpoint what it is-- I feel so painfully aware of my sin and yet reassured that His grace reaches into the depths of my experience. It's not an emotional feeling-- it's sobering, really. I've been clinging to the words of my sisters, the word of the Lord, even song lyrics to reinforce this to me. I can't get enough of it; it's just something that I need to be immersed in, not to make myself feel better about myself, but just to have this truth bored into my heart.
Someone shared this passage with me yesterday, and I don't remember having come across it before. It's in Ezekiel 16, which is a little obscure, but it is so descriptive of where I have been lately.
Again, the word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, make known to Jerusalem her abominations, and say, Thus says the Lord God to Jerusalem: Your origin and your birth are of the land of the Canaanites; your father was an Amorite and your mother at Hittite. And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, but you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born.
"And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, "Live!" Yes, I said to you in your blood "Live!" I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare.
"When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine. Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God."
God saw me, lying in my blood, and said, "live." There's no romanticizing the fact that I was completely bare and dirty, and there's nothing of value I have to offer Him.
I don't know what it is, but this is just really humbling and sobering for me. And I like that there is the promise of Him making me beautiful. Making me like Himself.
It's just lately I feel like I've taken steps backwards, that I'm still lying there, feeble, in need of rescue. He has redeemed me already; why am I feeling like this? I guess it's one of those times where my worship and love for Him is a choice, and whether or not I feel clean and whole and capable and full of strength, I will follow him.
with love and chilly weather,
Megan
Sometimes we have to go back. Sometimes the simplest things about Christianity hit us hardest, even though we've been thinking about them our whole lives.
(:
agreed.
ps. i love that picture, did you take it?
see you in t-48ish hours :)
so. there. with. you.