I'm so bothered by how shallow a person I am. I don't read enough. I don't soak in enough. I let meaningful things bounce off of me, and that is stupid. Why don't I internalize enough wisdom? Ugh, Lord, I want to be wiser and more capable than I am now.
I'm about to be a *real* adult. Entering the real world. I applied for a job in Sweden. I have to be so much more disciplined than I am now--much more committed to learning, to the Lord. I can't be this dependent on people to motivate me to be close to God. That just is not gonna fly if I move away to a new place. Even joining a church. That isn't how this is supposed to be. The Holy Spirit is in me. What am I doing?
Change me from who I've been lately.
with love and frustration,
Megan
Dear Megan,
I am not really ready to be a real adult myself.
But I would like to say that you shouldn't depend on people to motivate you, but at the same time, God did create community for a purpose. I think that God never intended us to go it alone in our walk with him. Even from the very beginning, God placed Adam and Eve together so they could help each other and commune with him together. Granted, as we see with Adam and Eve, community can be a double-edged sword. Community challenges, encourages, disappoints, strengthens, and frustrates and God uses all of that to draw you to himself. I am going to trust the Lord for you that wherever you end up, he will have a community waiting for you and that he will use that to make you stronger on your own.