I went to photo class and got my professor and my editor to look over my project. They gave really constructive feedback, helped me formulate a script, and were generally encouraging. I went back to the labs later at night and just worked the project, and I'm making progress!
I also sang in studio, in Hill Hall Auditorium, which always makes me happy because my voice fills up the room and resonates everywhere (which is startling at first, but then I get used to it). But I was shaking and nervous, and I know I didn't sing as well as I could have. But the feedback I got from people was SO encouraging. People said things like, "you have a beautiful voice," "I don't know why you are nervous," "sing out," and one girl said, "I almost cried. I was moved."
Seriously, I almost wept up on that stage hearing such encouragement. To be validated like that was so wonderful. I'm really working on the whole confidence thing, but I still find it hard to believe that I am really good at anything. I still remember a comment Emily left on a post a couple months ago that said, "your photos are beautiful." I actually teared up when I read that. It is so hard for me to believe that I am talented at anything or even capable sometimes. I'm sure that's incredibly self-sabotaging. But yes. That's why studio was so good for me yesterday.
And I think that's why I really appreciate those people in my life who push me to put myself out there. Whether it's getting me to get up in front of people, or to dance, or to say what's really on my mind. I need that. And I hope I get to a place where I don't have to be dragged to do these things.
On another note, I'm looking up fitness classes this week, and the SRC website says, "Our website has changes." That just made me giggle, and I'm not sure why.
Now I'm off to finish this article to send to people in Prague who I really want to work for!!!
With love and lots of work,
Megan
Yay engagement photos!! Yesterday I met with Elizabeth and Daniel at Pullen Park in Raleigh. They are so wonderful and willing to climb on trees and trains and all kinds of marvelous things! This might be my fave shot.
Off to work on documentary project for the rest of my life, prepare to sing in studio tomorrow, and go to the Apple picnic! Huzzah, crazy Sunday!!
With love and mango,
Megan
I had a pity party today.
It was stupid.
I'm over it.
---
My mom said to me a few weeks ago, "You know something I love about you? You don't need a guy to be happy." I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or as a pat-pat on the back because I don't have a boyfriend. In the end, I decided it's a good thing.
For a little while (up until like, half an hour ago), I haven't thought that way. I've felt very un-beautiful recently, very not-enough. But now I'm back to knowing that my life is really good. If a boy comes along and wants to be a part of my life, awesome. But I have so many reasons to be happy.
[I think it's wonderful that God fills scripture with things that affirm our identity in Him. If I didn't know Him, I think that having confidence and being comfortable in my own skin would be SO much more difficult than it already is.]
I have been on lots of flickr safaris lately. It's great fun. You should try it. It wastes your time but makes life better.
With love and soup,
Megan
I went to two churches today. And we sang this song in both of them. This song and I have a history... a love-hate relationship, in that I love the words so much, but they make me cry a lot of the time, and I hate being emotional. Anyway, you've probably heard it, but it doesn't get old for me. The victory and joy in these words is what gets me. To sing these words and
know they are true is so freeing to me.
Why don't we celebrate the resurrection of Christ more often? Geez. So wonderful.
Anyway, here's the song. Love it or else.
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace--
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My comforter, my all in all-- here in the love of Christ, I stand.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe--
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross, when Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied.
For every sin on Him was laid.
Here in the death of Christ, I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then, bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again.
And, as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me.
For I am His, and He is mine.
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life; no fear in death--
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand.
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
---
This Easter was kind of weird for me. I'm at a point in my faith where I'm feeling things out for myself. For so long I've just accepted-- I have believed, and I really have experienced my faith and know it to be true.
But right now is just different. It's like I know the answer to the math problem, but I need to work it out, for myself, to really understand how you get the answer. Does that make sense?
So it was really wonderful to rejoice in the fact that I am redeemed and loved, but I am a little bit separated from it at the moment. It has been really beautiful, though. Jesus pursues us in different ways, and with different timing. He loves me. And you. Individually. In our own experiences.
I like it, I like it. And I am learning.
With love and a small amount of productivity,
Megan
This is what my life has looked like lately:
And just chaos.
But good chaos.
I have yet another documentary story now. The couple I was going to do my story on is having a really tough time, and I am now doing a story where I have full access and all is well! Hallelu! It's a soup kitchen in Raleigh, and the woman who runs it, Mary, is so wonderful. I'm really happy to be working with them.
Wow, have I learned a lot in the past couple of weeks. I'm such a dreamer, and when I get an idea in my head, I go at it full-throttle and obsess over it. When I see that it really won't work out, I drop it and move on. I see that in so many things in my life... when I was applying for Paris and Galapagos and all this other stuff, I was so gung-ho until... it didn't work out. I'm glad that, if the things I'm obsessing over right now don't work out, that I'll get over it and go on.
I'm feeling really good about letting things happen right now. In a week or so, I'll know if I have a job-- a job I really want. I'll be almost done with the semester, on the brink of graduating. (I feel like I need to watch the episode of Gilmore Girls, "Unto the Breach" over and over right now, because Rory, I am so you! Minus the whole boy wanting to marry you thing.)
I like where I am right now. Even though it's really sad and scary. Saying goodbye to Chapel Hill and hello to... somewhere else in the world?! This is so crazy.
bah!
With love and adventure,
Megan
*Brand New Day -- Joshua Radin. You are the song for my life right now. That and Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire, I could play on repeat for a really long time.
