I may just be totally procrastinating from studying for my two exams tomorrow, but I have been really frustrated about not knowing what I'm passionate about doing for the rest of my life (other than serving God and telling people about Him, of course). And I've been really emotional lately about missing Europe. I look through my pictures, and sometimes I get really, really frustrated with them. I couldn't really figure out why. But I think it's because I long so strongly to go back there. To be there, not just look at pictures of where I have been. To be a part of the culture and observe and learn and revel in beauty. To continue to do so, not just look back and remember that time I went there and did this amazing thing. I don't think I can live with this one experience just being a memory.

This might have been obvious, but I think my passion (or at least one of them) might be travel.

And I feel really comfortable saying that.

I feel like this is a really dumb thing to say. But it was kind of a "this makes sense" thing for me. And it can manifest itself in missions, writing, photography...

I don't know.

With love and something off my chest,
Megan

I bought new jeans yesterday. Something about wearing a new pair of really great jeans makes life good. And a shirt that's a color you haven't worn before.

Things are going to be changing soon... good change, though. Summer is here, and in less than a week I will be soaking up a week of freedom-- beach trips, reading the rest of the Chronicles of Narnia, knowing that my hardest semester is behind me and that, despite a few Cs, I came out ok (knock on wood). And in a few months, it will be August, I will be living in a new apartment, have my own room (with green walls), bring my comfiest bed in the world, hang up my Swedish star lamp and open the windows and start up my senior year of college.

My time at the DTH is probably over, and I'm kind of relieved. At the end there, I was kind of consistently getting some photos in the paper, so it ended on a good note. I'm being continually stretched at Apple. Kind of really discouraged sometimes because I'm not a computer genius like most of the people I work with. I'm learning, though, and I guess I would prefer it to a job where I am not growing at all. It's real hard, though.

I have four exams to go, and one "vocalization" and placement for voice lessons next semester (so stoked)! In six days, I will be totally done, and a freaking senior in college!!! Woah, woah, where did these three years go?

So now, I must put off the urge to watch a season of Gilmore Girls or Friends and really buckle down and study childhood disorders and media law. Ready, go!

With love and Pasta-Roni (which is, as it turns out, not good at all),
Megan

I close my eyes and imagine myself walking from my apartment in Florence to LdM. The whole walk, down my stairs, out the door and the swirly gate, and down the cobblestones of Via San Gallo. Walking through San Lorenzo market early in the morning when they're just setting up. And walking back home from the girls' apartment on Via Maggio late at night, with the Ponte Vecchio all lit up.

It really hurts my heart that it's over.

With love and missing it,
Megan

Seriously, please read this right now. I cannot stop reading and laughing and thinking, "oh my gosh that is SO true!"

Current favorites include: "trust falls," "refusing to paint my mural," "the 'pray if you feel led prayer'" and "being slightly less nice than Mormons."

I love it when the seasons change. Spring is here now, and that makes me happy. I love how wisteria climbs on trees and street signs, and how you can smell it faintly when you drive with windows down. And I love the yellow-green leaves unfurling all over the trees, and how the scenery along I-40 is much less barren.

I am really happy with the way things are going right now. I went to my first Summit Bible study last night, and I am so excited about being able to go every week! I'm in a group with girls who are in their twenties. I'm the youngest by about a year, but I am thrilled to learn from everyone else in my Bible study. At Summit, J.D. has been preaching a sermon series on the Song of Solomon, which is surprisingly REALLY refreshing for me to hear, especially after breaky-uppy-ness. I know I am not going to get married for several years, but a big point he's emphasizing is depending on God for completion and wholeness, because a man will never meet my needs completely, even if he's next to perfect. And he talks about "not dating until you're ready not to date"-- meaning finding your identity in God and being okay with singleness. I think I'm really ok with being single right now. And I'm really glad for being able to use this time to really find who I am in Christ, and discover more of who He is.

Yay.

I probably ought to be listening to my professor, but for some reason, Astronomy class is always the time I feel like writing. Hm. And how am I supposed to pay attention to this? (Seriously. This is real-time, folks.)

Tonight, I don't have a DTH shift, which I'm pretty glad for, because I want to go to Panera and get some hot chocolate and write my Polisci paper. Ooh, but I actually got a Daily Tar Heel assignment last week (yaaay!) and drove with a reporter to Winston-Salem to take pictures of the Rev. Jesse Jackson, which was pretty baller. AND it got in the paper. Hecks yes.

I can't wait until May 12. Beach trip!

With love and crosswords and not paying attention at all,
Megan

My photos keep not getting into the paper, and it's making me kind of frustrated. I can't say that I'm really impressed with my own work, either. I'm just not passionate about what I'm shooting at all. I think that 1. I need more experience/teaching, and 2. I would like to do travel or freelance photography and photo stories. Something to drive me, not a random feature that probably won't get into the paper.

I'm bitter, oops!

But now I'm over it.

I'm reading The Dream Giver again. I love that book, and I'm hoping to maybe identify my dream a little bit more after reading it. I'm also reading A Problem from Hell, which is about genocide. And I'm in the middle of Catch-22 and a Beth Moore book about Paul. I'm pretty bad about starting ten thousand books without finishing others. And there are so many other books that I want to read!! Like Flowers for Algernon and Great Expectations (again) and Wuthering Heights and UnChristian and the Chronicles of Narnia and something by Henri Nouwen.

I'm also good at overwhelming myself.

Copeland is good.

With love and 4 hours until work,
Megan

My professor keeps saying "point of no return," so now Phantom of the Opera is stuck in my head, and I keep replaying it. In addition to this, the frat boy beside me keeps snorting, and that's eww-gross. But I will try to write out my thoughts anyway.

This week has been tough, but it's been good. I need to lean on God more instead of trying to depend on myself, which never works out. I am so repeatedly learning this, and you think that it would stick by now. How stubborn and stupid! Bleh!

The semester's end is nearing, and I'm really glad for this. I'm doing summer school again this summer to lighten my load for senior year, and it will be REALLY great to get lab research psychology done in five weeks! And environmental ethics and clinical psychology. Clinical psyc, I am really excited about, because if I end up pursuing psychology in the long-run, that's what I want to do. And doesn't clinical psychology sound so scholarly?

I'm pretty much done with exams until finals, which makes me feel really good. Exams are sooo stressful and life-killing. I can breathe a tiny bit now. Phew!

And my birthday! My birthday was really wonderful. My roomies decorated the apartment and made me a pie and sang happy birthday to me, and I got lots of "happy birthdays" on campus, and in the evening I went home, because my parents' anniversary is the same day, so we had a happy family dinner. Mom and I made fresh pasta (from scratch, heck yes), and it was amazing. I got a lot of great apartment stuff for next year-- kitchen-y things, mainly, and GLORIOUS NEW SHEETS. I can't wait to take my comfiest-bed-on-earth to my new apartment.

And I went shopping the next day and bought my strawberry cropped trench jacket!

The end.

With love and scattered thoughts,
Megan