These past couple of days have been tough, but really good in that I'm starting to get some clarity about my future. Today was the deadline to apply for the Photojournalism program project in the Galapagos. The program that would cost $4000. This week I have had talks with my parents, financial aid counselors, and peers. I had the application completed. Recommendation letters written for me. After leaving the financial aid office, I sat in the grass in the upper quad and just thought. I looked around me (nature calms me down) and tried to breathe deeply and figure out what I was supposed to do with all this information. My only option was to take out a loan, and I would be paying off a hundred dollars a month for the next four years. My parents have worked so hard for me to graduate without debt. But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. People have written recommendations for me, and my friends are going, and this would be an incredible experience that would stay with me for the rest of my life. The best imaginable way to end my college career.I got to choir last night anticipating an answer from the Lord. When I worship, everything falls into place. Things are as they ought to be, finally. Last night, our pastor addressed us and shared with us the church's launch of "Believe," a project of radical giving and sending and expansion. My heart flooded with joy at the way God is working in our church and in our world. I know I want to be a part of that.
Long story short, I realized that the Galapagos is not what God has for me this summer. My heart does not leap at the thought of this opportunity as it does for other things-- for missions, for photography, for Sweden, for Africa. It really bums me out, though, and I'm sure I will go through more bouts of emotion and doubt about this decision. J.D. has said recently that "real sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love even more." I have desperately asked God to tease apart those dreams of mine that are egocentric, and those plans that He has purposed for me.
He's doing it. It's not so fun and it feels really crappy sometimes when you have to give up something you think you want. But hallelujah, He is making real His plans for me.
With love and mixed emotions,
Megan
