I've become really dissatisfied with myself lately. Not only do I feel like I haven't been learning like I should, but I also find myself wasting a lot of time. I'll sit on my computer or watch a disk of Friends episodes after class. Which is fine, but not what I need to be doing so often.

I am not even close to the kind of person I want to be-- need to be-- to achieve the kind of dreams that I have. Granted, I can't do those things in my own strength, but I am not preparing myself to be used in that capacity. My relationship with God isn't near where it needs to be. My discipline sucks. I'm not serving others like I ought to. I have a list of 46 books I want to read. And I know there's so many more out there to be read and to learn from. People to listen to and understand.

When did I decide that being lazy was more worth my time? And when did I decide that thinking about really trivial things was the way to spend my life?

I guess it's good that I'm not satisfied with where I am. I never want to be. But I'd like to know I'm using my life as I should. Ya know?

Maybe I'm beating a dead horse with this, but I just need to be reminded of my complacency a lot because I won't get off my butt and do something important.

I'm going to go read outside now.

Sidenote: William Fitzsimmons is wonderful. So are The Elms, but you already knew that.

With love and sun,
Megan

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